I woke up at 5:30 am this morning to screaming and yelling and someone beating on a car in the complex where I live. Yay wonderful!.  Like not…  anyway there is this one apartment where they always fight and I have seen the guy hit the woman before.  He isn’t even suppose to be there.  It brings back so many bad memories for me to hear people screaming and fighting.  It is kind of catch 22 for me.  Here I am with all this anger for everything I have gone through, mostly my ex dumping out on me when I needed someone the most and no therapy to handle it properly and every day it’s like a simmering pot ready to boil over and explode.  I do handle it very very well and keep myself in check, which  is more than I can say for alot of people, like the ones this morning.  Life is too short to fight.  Life is to short to be fucked up and treated like shit.  Too many people take everything for granted.  Some don’t, kudos to those who don’t.

We live in such a messed up world.  Our environment is contaminated by our own doing, slowly killing mother earth with our greediness and stoopidity.  We kill each other for the very same reasons.  We treat our elderly like trash, as well as our children and homeless.  What does that say about us as whole?  I sure don’t want to be lumped in there with all of that.

I got up with a start because of that outside contamination but instead of it letting it get to me and make my mood sour, I choose instead to make coffee, and a crock pot full of yummy bean soup.  Pinto beans and great northern beans, green onions, red peppers, celery, black pepper and garlic.  Then at the end I will add some tomatoes and zucchini.  I’ll be eating yummy tonight with low carbs and no canned crap.  I cant have salt at all, so I have to be very very careful of what i buy and eat.  Nothing processed or out of a can or box unless its very low sodium.  I also cannot have MSG, and we all know that 99% of all our food from a store has that crap in it.. lol .  I don’t use artificial sweeteners, I use sugar.  Its the least deadly for you.

I like eating fresh anyway.  Im a veggie, steak, and fruit lover.  Smoothies are “heaven” on earth.  And tri tip roast or steak .. OMG!.  I have to not eat potatoes so much which reeks becasue potatoes are my comfort food.  I guess ironically that’s a good thing that I cant eat too much… I sure don’t want to be over the weight i was when I got sick.

Today I will work more on my pixel site, my membership pages, and adding more content and tubing wonderful little goodies for my members.  I just hope they truly appreciate the work that goes into it for me.  I know we all have our struggles each and every day, but most days I have to physically and mentally spend a couple hours trying to focus on what I need to get done.  Alot of times I spend most of it just staring at the screen.  I just have a bear of a time with the focus.  And the migraines surely don’t help.

To all of you who may read this, every day is different, and every day will bring new struggles and new triumphs, take away from it what you are capable of taking, and apply it to the next day and the next and the next.  The promises you make to yourself in your head or your heart, keep them, that is your biggest challenge.  Every day we don’t  but where would we be if we did?  A little thought buster to mull over.  If you kept your promise to not eat that, or to leave that person who mistreats you, or to not be an angry person today, or whatever it might be, would that not make you feel like you overcame the hump and can keep growing and progressing?  Most of all don’t beat yourself up because maybe today you didn’t do everything you had hoped to.  Remember there is tomorrow, and if tomorrow never comes, then you have done everything in your power that you can.

I know for me, that each day I set goals for myself.  Every morning I have a routine I do because I have medication I have to take the same time every day.  I get up, do the necessary things, take my meds, take a shower, make coffee, have a little ice or apple juice and check my email and work a bit on the computer.  That’s my basic routine, but then every day can be slightly different,  one day I will skip the shower, or i will take my meds and sleep a bit more.  But when all is said and done that routine is in place in some manner each day.  Now cleaning.. that is a whole ‘nother world.  Cleaning is so hard for me to maneuver.  The vacuum weighs a ton, the laundry always seems daunting.  Bending pushing pulling and standing are painful.  In spite of my daily routine, other things can get me in a tails pin rather quickly.  Shopping.  omg.. i hate shopping.  I seem to have gotten a good strong hold on some things but not others.  So I continue to work on those.  I do what I can, keep to myself unless some situation warrants that I can’t and live each day the best of my abilities right now.

I may be back later with more, I am not sure.  In the meantime smile, it makes the rest of the world wonder what you are thinking, and it makes them paranoid.  Gives you the upper hand.

Tag Credits: Whimsy Attic

It has been entirely too long since I posted. Let me first start by saying that I am so thankful for everything I do have at this time.  I work hard at living simple.  The more simple the better.  I definitely do not need complicated.

I have been struggling a great deal with my depression.  So many things to figure out how to cope with and still keep what little sanity I have left.  I have such a difficult time focusing on anything.  I have so much I want to write about, but when I actually get here to this point, it goes “poof” on me.

I have been working on my Pixel site and not much more.  I read a bit, and I watch alot of cartoons and rest.  I am not getting enough sleep.  The place I live is like ghetto land..lol… So many people are rude and care nothing about neighbors and the noise they create and disrupt my sanctuary.  I go to bed at night and the apartment behind me plays ghetto rap so loud I can hear it with my window closed.. which is loud.  They just moved in just a week or so ago and already they have had several complaints against them, mostly from me.  I mean really.. HELLO….  what about the word respect do you not get…   When you live that closely it’s only proper to be polite and not disturb others.  It tends to piss them off.   Anyway I am hoping that after the manager spoke to them today , they will be more quiet.  The last two nights, maybe three I have slept on my couch because of it.  My couch is comfy HUGE but I like my bed.. lol

It also doesn’t help that it has been in the high 90′s for the most part for the last couple weeks.  When it’s hot, I swell alot more in my legs and it is pretty painful.  When it’s cooler , I don’t swell as much.  I have also gained 15 lbs due to some medication I was taking.  I stopped taking it June 15th, still trying to get it back off.  Easier to put on that take off.  Less carbs, more vegies and fruit.

Today was an ok day as far as the depression.  I tried to do a little cleaning but I am so swollen I didn’t get too far.  I never really do.  It’s difficult to push a heavy vacuum and bend and push things to clean and sweep.  On an up note… I got three packs of tubes done for the members area of FFH.  Tomorrow I will be doing more.

I think I also want to get a hummingbird feeder.  We have some here and I would like to give them goodies.  They are such beautiful birds.  Amazing Creatures.

I will be back tomorrow morning with more, I hope to add posting in my journal here as part of my morning routine.  Have a good evening/morning wherever you are in the world.

Sweet Dreams!~

P.S. Here is a pixel tag I made.. thought I would share.  Tube Credits: RPP

TOOTHPICK – to remind you to pick out the

Good qualities in others.

RUBBER BAND – to remind you to be flexible,

Things might not always go the way you want,

But it will work out.

BAND AID – to remind you to heal hurt

Feelings, yours or someone else’s.

PENCIL – to remind you to list your blessings

Everyday.

ERASER – To remind you that everyone makes

Mistakes, and it’s OK.

CHEWING GUM – to remind you to stick with it,

And you can accomplish anything.

MINT – to remind you that you are worth a mint.

CANDY KISS – to remind you that everyone needs

a kiss or a hug everyday.

TEA BAG – to remind you to relax daily and go

Over that list of blessings.

we walk these shallow trails in life.. these ruts on the road we think are the way…

do we even realize that those ruts are whats keeping up from becoming what we truly can be?

A true friend is one who will dance with you in the sunlight,

And walk with you in the shadows…

Think on that awhile….

If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot…
BOTH ways- yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in
hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard
I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look
around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean,
compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve
got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the
card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a
pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter
of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our a–!
Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3′s or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music,
you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ
would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD
players! We had tape decks in our car.. We’d play our favorite tape and
“eject” it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it
useless. Cause, hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!

There weren’t any freakin’ cell phones either. If you left the house, you
just didn’t make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of
touch with your “friends”. OH MY !!! Think of the horror… not being in
touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there’s TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please!
You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no
idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your
bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent.. you just didn’t know!!!
You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for
cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had
to use the stove! Imagine that!
And our parents told us to stay outside and play… all day long. Oh, no,
no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside… you
were doing chores!
And car seats – oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung
on. If you were luckily, you got the “safety arm” (HA!) across the chest
at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the
dashboard, well that was your fault for calling “shot gun” in the first
place!

See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You’re spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes
back in 1980 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from ‘the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’
Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X

I am sitting here getting my routine done and look up and see both of my kitties on the back of the couch by the window asleep.  Now have you seen anything more precious than kitties sleeping.  They are like babies and children. They are cutest when sleeping. They aren’t getting into trouble then.. lol…Mine.. OMG.. Yinnie is a talker but OMG does it annoy me.  He will meow for hours sometimes, and I still havent figured out why.  Can’t be there’s no food, dish always has food in it.  But ya know he stands there and looks at me like I’ve not fed him for weeks..  And the looks.. hehe.. it’s like.. “HELLOOOOOO, where’s my damn food!!!”, when it’s right there in front of him.. Crazy thing..

I love taking pics of them and I have tons to release to my InkkStormArts.  I hope they will like them. Here is one that will make you go AWWWWWWWWWWW……….

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Lol she had her head laying on him, loving on him… It was so adorable…

I’m off to clean a bit, although I am not sure how much I will be able to do, I am hurting alot today.  Maybe I will be back later with more, nott hat anyone really reads this anyway.. lol  But if you do, thanks.. I appreciate it.

Well its already February and the time has flown by.  I guess Ive been in another world.  Just been trying to get through each day the best I can for me.  Let’s see, what’s happened since I last posted….

Several Doctor appointments, I am now on Thyroid meds as well as Birth Control to stop my cycles.  I Basically have no blood count.  It’s so low they have me on iron as well as women’s vitamins too.  So because of the Thyroid meds I am losing hair.  That kind of freaks me out.  Ive decided that one of two things will happen… Either it starts to grow back in like they said it would, or i will go bald and have to find a bunch of cute little beanie skully caps to wear.. lol

The last few weeks or so I have been hurting quite alot due to an Endometrial Biopsy.  I bled for almost 2 weeks from it.  I’m hoping that these BC pills do what they are suppose to so I don’t bleed anymore.  I had bled for almost three weeks, a week for my cycle before the biopsy and then the almost two weeks after.  That really was not a pleasant experience.

I have also blocked anyone from my messengers that only has one motive, and it;s one that doesn’t match what I need or want in my life.  Needless to say about 10 people went bye-bye.  I was sick of hearing shit like your such a cool person (but I’m not cool enough to date), let’s hang out (which means come pick my ass up so we can fuck), or the all famous I miss you, i wish you were here ( again, I’m still not good enough to date, I’m just fuck material)…how lame…

Well I got news for you… no more… if all you can do is yahell me and talk about someone else your interested in having that relationship with while at the same time telling me we should hang out.. I’m not for it.. I’m done.   Honestly it hurt my feelings to hear that, because frankly one of you has always known that I was interested.  So whatever.  I am just not good enough for you to have a relationship with.. That’s fine, cus frankly I am better off alone anyway.  Especially after what I went through with the last one.  That still breaks my heart.  To know such a wonderful person is so lost, just makes me want to die inside for that person.

I need people in my life who will take the time to be more than a fuck friend or a fair weather friend.  I need real friends.  The kind that are there for you when you  need them to be.  None of you who I blocked, fit that category.  And you only have yourselves to blame, because of they way you are.  I don’t need it.

I have been coloring pixels to pass the time.  I just love learning all these cool things.  How to shade, colors that work well together and seeing the enjoyment others get from what I create.  My Pixel site is coming along well I must say.  The theme I have just completed for it rocks.  It is so cute, and it will work well after valentines day too.  Come on by and take a peek.

I am off to bed right now, I am rather tired today.  Check back soon for more.  I plan on posting again tomorrow.

Bannkkie and waterbottle… LOL…

I had a DR appointment today and they ACTUALLY took the time to ask questions.  I was there over 2 hours.  Apparently my blood count is so low I don’t have one… lol.. well that’s no good is it?  So… they did a pap smear to test, a urine test, and then they come back and ask me if  I would be willing to do an endometrial biopsy..  I’m like wtf?  anyone who has had one will know what I mean.  LOL.

For anyone who doesn’t know what it is… think pap smear only deeper and with a scraper.  YEA IT HURTS!!!

So now we wait for the results, any number of things are possible, endometriosis, you name it.  Oh yea and they want to put me on birth control to stop my cycle to build up my blood count. Can we say EWWWWW…. I have never in my life taken birth control.  I sure hope I can get help soon for everything, I am tired of feeling like I am going out of my mind some days.  I guess it doesn’t help that i don’t get out much… where would I go?

Believe me if I had anywhere to go that didn’t make me nervous or cost money I’d go..lol

More Later.. I’m not feeling well from that biopsy…